When people consider trauma therapy, there’s sometimes an assumption about what it might involve — sitting with a therapist and being asked to talk about painful experiences in detail, perhaps for weeks, months or maybe even years.

And for some people, that prospect alone is enough to discourage them from reaching out.

But actually, doing that, talking about something over and over, in and of itself, is rarely the answer. Yes it absolutely helps to have a clear understanding of the way past events have influenced and shaped us, but it’s becoming widely acknowledged that the effects of trauma can’t be resolved by cognitive methods alone.

This is because trauma isn’t just a memory stored in the mind. It lives in the body too — in the nervous system, in physical tension, in the way we automatically brace or shut down when something triggers us. Traditional talking therapy works with the story. Both somatic EMDR and cognitive hypnotherapy work with what’s underneath the story — the place where the trauma is actually held. And that’s where real, lasting change becomes possible.

But there’s another reason why simply talking about difficult things isn’t always the most helpful approach, and it has to do with the nature of memory itself.

We tend to think of memories as fixed — like photographs stored in an album, or a film on a movie reel, always the same each time we look at them. But memory is actually far more plastic than that.

Each time we recall a memory we’re quite literally reconstructing it, and the emotional state we’re in when we do so effects the version of the memory we put back.

If we’re revisiting painful experiences through a filter of distress, shame, or hopelessness, the memory can actually become more negative each time, subtly reframed and re-stored in a darker form than before.

That’s why rumination, going over and over something without resolution, can make us feel worse rather than better, even though it feels like we’re trying to understand and process things.

So, this is why it really matters how we revisit difficult memories, not just whether we do. In both Cognitive Hypnotherapy and Somatic EMDR, whenever a memory is recalled it’s done so with a specific purpose, to reframe the memory in a more positive light, to change the structure of it in some way, to process and release the negative emotions connected to it. This happens in a safe, purposeful way so that when the memory is stored back it carries less charge, less pain, less negative connotations. The memory doesn’t usually disappear altogether, but it no longer causes distress. Time after time I’ve been amazed by how effectively this happens. People say things like, ‘It’s as if the memory’s different now, less real’, ‘It feels unimportant now’, ‘I’m bored of thinking about it’, and even ‘It’s as if it never happened at all’.

I do have to say though that talking about negative experiences isn’t bad per se. There are times when simply speaking something aloud for the first time, giving voice to something that’s been carried alone, can be profoundly healing. There’s something powerful about a painful experience being witnessed, acknowledged, and held in a safe space. There’s a huge difference between that kind of conscious, supported sharing and the kind of repetitive retelling that can keep us stuck in the same old story without ever allowing it to fully process.

Healing can take many forms. The first step is often to feel seen, to be listened to, to be heard and acknowledged in a safe, honouring way. Everything else can then flow from there.

If any of this makes sense to you and you’re wondering whether therapy might help, I’d love to hear from you. You can reach me at jill@jillbrowntherapy.uk or call 07717-194423. The first conversation costs nothing and commits you to nothing — it’s just a chat, I’d love to hear from you.